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About Varied / Student Premium Member ChristinaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Given by belfastrush
Statistics 113 Deviations 1,987 Comments 5,282 Pageviews

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:iconbelfastrush:
belfastrush
Oct 30, 2014
2:24 pm
:iconffleret:
ffleret
Oct 15, 2014
3:56 am
:icontheamericanrealist:
TheAmericanRealist
Sep 23, 2014
5:42 pm
:iconcatazarch:
catazarch
Sep 19, 2014
8:53 am
:iconshadowcross:
Shadowcross
Sep 17, 2014
3:55 pm

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First, you deserve a world of commendation for the patchwork nature of this intriguing young woman's mind. A sociopathic "predator" with a big old emotional band-aid spliced into the base of her skull. I see a lot of promise in this character, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop her. In particular, I wonder how unique 'personalities' will work with her species of sapiens. Does qualitative individuality require a temperament, a definitive set of emotional dispositions? Or can such a thing emerge through the learning process, through the variations in reasoning that come as a result of having developed different ideas and associations between them? Questions questions...

A small critique in that vein might be that you want to be careful about how you portray the 'emotions' injected into her by that E-plug. The dissociation that she experiences seems a natural consequence of the kind of being that she is. But the question arises how her actions can be influenced by that E-plug if she doesn't have a robust experience of the drives it's implanting in her. Further, in the dull moments inbetween or after the destruction of that E-plug, its interesting to consider what it will be like for a creature with flat affect to recall real FEELING, however induced. As a mere illusion, truly? That would be a simple solution. But there are several possibilities to consider...

I also wonder-- was it intentional, this giving her a rather subtle sense of humour, or was that merely the narrator's voice leaking into the character?

But all this is to say nothing of the fact I'm waiting on an illustration of what looking at past, present, and future all simultaneously looks like. It's a fascinating concept, and I can't help but think that setting the scene might have been a neat place to introduce it. Criss-crossing images of this convention with lectures on past ones, overlapping settings that disorient the reader before you pan out of our subject's head to reveal her in her current milieu. Or some such.

Mainly, my critique is meant to say you've done a FANTASTIC job here, and you shouldn't be afraid to give this idea more play and attention for the sake of being precise about the kind of being and phenomenology you're introducing.
I.

You were an earthy flame
kindled in the distilled essence
of ancient grass and grain,
of wholesome, finer things.

And would you truly call it selfish
that you so easily find place
in the yawning 'spance of space, and
chused your yoke by humbled grace?

II.

Me, I was born in refuse, o’er our
terror’d, smog limned pyre--
a chemical, reaction’ry fire
sparked livid and sparked dire

And streaking through the heavens
a conflagration writhing in trysts and Falls
        I…
             was…
                      a Morning Star,
                                           accursed,
yearning t’embrace and redeem all—
               and…
                  churning all to ash, midst my ungodly thrall.  

III.

God--! The hew of your light is a beauty
unadulterate and temperate contained,
save for the slightest streak and stain
of perfection-dreams, of heaven's banes.

All that is, it is holy, it's
my ideal and my des’prate refrain.
Redemption in me would be vain
if so being, I lost all again.

and three ships she did launch
These ones are just scraps inspired during conversations with the aforementioned young woman. She liked poetry and she was always comparing me to light so these eager refutations of my goodness resulted. They're kind of childish but oh well. This is why I don't call myself a poet.
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Ah, love, you’re
imperfectly inexpressed.
And it is in the
tiny failures
of trained wills
that passion shews.

Say, beam on
for me—
disfigured,
out of composure.
I won’t laugh
at your fancies—
these words,
they are my own.

Make play with me.
It’s childish, but
children do not
dream of death.
And just now
nightmares
throng my shadow
and your scars,
and it’s stupid,
this suffering—say,
this fancy,
make it ours?

after the ambedo
For a little while I had my first relationship in some time. And, as usual, I feel the need to preserve little memories and testaments to it in my work, my art, the only way I know how.
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Sep 21, 2014
:icontatterdema1ion:tatterdema1ion has changed their username (formerly XERX-S)

deviantID

tatterdema1ion
Christina
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I'm a human being, and that is all you'll ever need to know.

If you have questions or requests for critiques then I'm open to accepting notes.
Interests
For the first time in my life, I've started writing things that I can look back on and smile-- the kind of excerpts that I would actually want to read. Slowly, I'm climbing from the depths of stagnation to heights where I can strive and improve once more. One would think a kind of thrill, as of exultation would attend my new-found determination-- but no.

Instead, it hurts. It's almost physically distressing.

I've started writing less with an axe, as though clearing a path to my goal, and started whittling, seeing where the shape of the story, so to speak, takes me. The quick thinking and finesse that requires is almost more than I have in me, and certainly more than I can accomplish well. Further, in addition to those difficulties it's accompanied by this strange phenomena:

Writing a good story takes more honesty than it does to live with integrity.  While one types at the keyboard, the ideals one thought one had waver and dance like a mirage-- one realizes that all one thought he or she stood firm on is little more than swiftly melting ice. Those ideas one thought most real, solid, and vibrant crumble in one's hands.

Again and again my own foolishness accosts me, and I face those little truths buried beneath the veneer of my character that I never wanted to know. Everywhere, in every face that peoples my visions I am crushed.

Not my most eloquent description, but I felt to go in more detail would be morbid. The point is this: I've been working on Absolute and the attendant world (with more than a little help from :iconbelfastrush: , who practically co-created it all) for years. But for as long as I've worked on it nothing rang true. And I think that's because I'm not quite ready to face it. Not the characters. Not the questions it inspires. There's no way of knowing when I will be. And so I have elected to set it aside for a time.

Undoubtedly I'll still be building the world as I learn more about my own, storing ideas like acorns for such a time as the barren winter of that idea blossoms into spring. But I can't do it justice just now, no matter how I try.

Instead, I think I'll turn to Radical/Coronach. It's in more familiar territory, with more matured characters, and that should ease the burden of it. Again, that story which is most precious to me wavers just beyond my grasp, and I must turn my attentions to more pressing matters.

Ach, so be it.

If you are given a selection of prizes to choose from, you'd select 

44%
7 deviants said Love
19%
3 deviants said Happiness
13%
2 deviants said Immortality
13%
2 deviants said Power
6%
1 deviant said Omnipotence
6%
1 deviant said Utopia

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:iconv-lee-croasdell:
V-Lee-Croasdell Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Professional Artist
Thank you so very, very much for the watch. I am honored!
Happy Happy..Onion 
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:iconjake-sjet:
Jake-Sjet Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Interesting. Might I ask what prompted the name change and what it might mean?
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:icontatterdema1ion:
tatterdema1ion Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Student General Artist
Xerxes. It's an ahhh pseudonym I picked up for a competition, owing to the fact that there's a certain character I've always admired and which codifies all that I should remember about my personal faults and all that I should accept... so yes.
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:iconjake-sjet:
Jake-Sjet Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Huum, from a random Google search I can but say one thing: all that glitters is not gold. More often than not its CGI.
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:icontatterdema1ion:
tatterdema1ion Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2014  Student General Artist
Yes typing in Xerxes does get one some interesting results...
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